Matthew 18:15-17 (NKJV)
"Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. 16 But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. 17 And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector."
• Let the Holy Spirit direct. “The church is to be a living, active missionary agency, moved and controlled by the Holy Spirit. The members are to act as one, blending in perfect union. This miracle the cross of Christ is fully able to accomplish for the good of an unbelieving world.” Manuscript 147, 1902.16.
• Seek to know and do God’s will. Study guides on knowing and doing God’s will can be found at discipleheart.com. “Worry is blind, and cannot discern the future, but Jesus sees the end from the beginning. In every difficulty He has His way prepared to bring relief. Our heavenly Father has a thousand ways to provide for us, of which we know nothing. Those who accept the one principle of making the service and honor of God supreme will find perplexities vanish, and a plain path before their feet.” Desire of Ages, p. 330.
“Spread every plan before God with fasting, with the humbling of the soul before the Lord Jesus; and commit thy ways unto the Lord, and the sure promise is that He will direct thy paths.” Letter 45, 1893, par. 27.
“Do not, through impatience, cut the knot of difficulty, making matters hopeless. Let God untangle the snarled-up threads for you. He is wise enough to manage the complications of our lives. He has skill and tact. We cannot always see His plans; we must wait patiently their unfolding and not mar and destroy them. He will reveal them to us in His own good time. Seek for unity; cultivate love and conformity to Christ in all things.” Testimonies, Vol. 5, 348.1.
“Again and again I have been instructed to say to our people: Let your faith and trust be in God. Do not depend on any erring man to define your duty. ... Every church member should understand that God is the one to whom to look for an understanding of individual duty. It is right that brethren counsel together; but when men arrange just what their brethren shall do, let them answer that they have chosen the Lord as their counselor.” Testimonies, Vol. 9, 280.1.
• Seek reconciliation.
Matthew 5:23-24 (NKJV)
“Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.”
“One great reason why our brethren and sisters have no more confidence toward God in prayer, is, that nearly all neglect to follow the words of Jesus in preserving harmony between brethren. They allow various wrongs to exist with members of the church, which create bitter envy and strife; and while these differences exist, God neither hears nor answers their prayers.” Review and Herald, April 15, 1880, par. 9.
• Follow God’s “Matthew 18:15-17” plan.
Matthew 18:15-17 (NKJV)
“Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. 16 But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. 17 And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector.”
“In dealing with erring church members, God’s people are carefully to follow the instruction given by the Saviour in the eighteenth chapter of Matthew.” Testimonies, Vol. 7, 260.1.
“In the Word of God there are definite rules laid down to guide us in dealing with the erring. Unless these rules are followed, confusion will result. The Bible rule should be strictly obeyed. Christ has outlined our course of action; let us follow it to the letter.” Letter 48, 1907, par. 24.
“Hasty decisions, formed under the influence of strong feeling, without time for deliberation or for asking counsel from God, are generally wrong and are often exceedingly unjust.” Letter 48, 1902, par. 14.
“The specific directions here given are very largely disregarded, and dissension is the result. Christ knew the perversity of the hearts of men—even of those who should be brought into church capacity, and He outlined the course to be pursued. He knew that this, if followed, would close the door to dissension, misunderstanding, alienation, strife, and bitterness.” Manuscript 89, 1898, par. 3.
“If one errs, if from any cause there is disagreement, do not let time pass, but go to work at once to settle variances and come into unity. Those who are thus tried are to work according to God’s plan and are to settle the matter of disagreement between themselves.” Letter 183, 1901, par. 16.
“This is God’s ordained plan, to pray and converse with one another; and in the place of recrimination try to break down the existing barriers, that heart may be cemented to heart, that self-will and selfishness should die; for in the work of reclaiming, the statement is made, ‘The fervent, effectual prayer of every one of faith availeth much.’” [James 5:16.] Letter 183, 1901, par. 17.
“Human beings are Christ’s property, purchased by Him at an infinite price, bound to Him by the love that He and His Father have manifested for them. How careful, then, we should be in our dealing with one another! Men have no right to surmise evil in regard to their fellow men. Church members have no right to follow their own impulses and inclinations in dealing with fellow members who have erred. They should not even express their prejudices regarding the erring, for thus they place in other minds the leaven of evil. Reports unfavorable to a brother or sister in the church are communicated from one to another of the church members. Mistakes are made and injustice is done because of an unwillingness on the part of someone to follow the directions given by the Lord Jesus.” Testimonies, Vol. 7, 260.2.
“If thy brother shall trespass against thee,” Christ declared, “go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone.” Matthew 18:15. Do not tell others of the wrong. One person is told, then another, and still another; and continually the report grows, and the evil increases, till the whole church is made to suffer. Settle the matter between thee and him alone. This is God’s plan.
“Go not forth hastily to strive, lest thou know not what to do in the end thereof, when thy neighbor hath put thee to shame. Debate thy cause with thy neighbor himself; and discover not a secret to another.” Proverbs 25:8-9. Do not suffer sin upon your brother; but do not expose him, and thus increase the difficulty, making the reproof seem like a revenge. Correct him in the way outlined in the Word of God.” Testimonies, Vol. 7, 260.3.
“Whatever the character of the offense, this does not change the plan that God has made for the settlement of misunderstandings and personal injuries. Speaking alone and in the spirit of Christ to the one who is in fault will often remove the difficulty. Go to the erring one, with a heart filled with Christ’s love and sympathy, and seek to adjust the matter. Reason with him calmly and quietly. Let no angry words escape your lips. Speak in a way that will appeal to his better judgment. Remember the words: ‘He which converteth the sinner from the error of his way shall save a soul from death, and shall hide a multitude of sins.’ James 5:20.” Testimonies, Vol. 7, 261.2.
“As those thus united in Christian fellowship offer prayer to God and pledge themselves to deal justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with God, great blessing comes to them. They have wronged others; they continue the work of repentance, confession, and restitution, fully set to do good to one another. This is the fulfilling of the law of Christ.” Testimonies, Vol. 7, 262.1.
Heavenly Father,
We come before You in humility and reverence, acknowledging our need for Your guidance in our relationships with one another. Lord, help us to follow Your plan of reconciliation as outlined in Your Word. Teach us to speak the truth in love, to forgive freely, and to restore with meekness and patience.
Remove pride, envy, and prejudice from our hearts. Let Your Spirit lead us to genuine unity, harmony, and brotherly love. Bind us together as one body in Christ, so that we may reflect Your love and bring glory to Your name. Teach us to bear with one another in love, to seek counsel in Your wisdom, and to always act in ways that build up, rather than tear down.
Lord, may our fellowship be a testimony of Your grace, mercy, and the transforming power of the cross. Let our church be a house of prayer, a place of peace, and a beacon of reconciliation to the world around us.
In the name of Jesus Christ, our Savior and Lord, we pray.
Amen.
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